Choco Wars: The Battle for Underworld
by dipdipdipmyblueship
Summary: Part the First of the Choco Wars trilogy! Parody based on a late night twitter convo and chocolate high! Collaborative effort between dipdipdipmyblueship and Noeme. Rated T for language


_**A/N: I really need to explain the inspiration behind this fic, before you all think I'm nuts!**_

_**In a nutshell, this story is a collaborative effort between Noeme and myself. It was devised on a late October night (Canada time) as we were twittering to each other about my fic Possessive Impulse, and how one character I created called Fitzgerald, in the midst of a car chase, pulls out a chocolate bar from his glove compartment and proceeds to eat it. They was an explosion that followed, and the remainder of the bar was sacrificed for the greater good… **_

_**[**__**creepy villagers repeat:**__** the greater good]**_

_**Noeme found this quite hysterical, and we proceeded to make jokes about Fitzgerald, then Chuck Norris was brought into the equation, and VOILA: A story was born! **_

_**I cannot say anymore, as all will be revealed in the chapters to come.**_

_**Needless to say, this is a parody fic and will crossover multiple fandoms…**_

_**oh the fandoms…it will cross…**_

_**This story is dedicated to Noeme; without whose "street" experience, this fic would not have been remotely possible! **_

_**On a personal note: regardless of its cheese factor, this was super fun to write considering my fics are usually more drama/suspense. :)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

Paul walked furiously on the treadmill in the flat he shared with his brother Liam; his hips swaying ever so slightly as he pumped his arms enthusiastically up and down, up and down…

Liam meanwhile sat at the dining room table, leaning over some paperwork and trying to ignore his older brother's irritating humming.

"Paul!" he snapped finally, "would you give over already? I'm trying to work 'ere!"

"Would you stop stressin' about the damn factory deal? We closed it, it's done!" Paul stated a little breathlessly, "You know what you need our kid? What you need is a good song to work too…"

Liam dropped his head in his hands, "no Paul, please I'm begging you-"

But Paul had already begun; his butt taking on more a wiggle as he walked more vigorously on the conveyor belt,

"_What you gon' do with all that junk?_

_All that junk inside your trunk?_

_I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk_

_Get you love drunk off my hump_

_My hump my hump, my hump my hump my hump…"_

"Kill me now!" Liam ground out into his hands

"You know what little bro? You need to learn to chillax, like. That song is the most popular song right now." Paul informed his younger sibling, not realizing he slowed his pace down enough to trip him face first onto the conveyor belt and then send him careening backwards off the treadmill and into the wall behind him.

"Alright?" Liam asked as he flipped through papers, not remotely surprised as this 'accident' occurred once every two days.

"Yeah, yeah I'm cool." Paul stated as he rose to his feet and gave his head a small shake.

"Make yourself useful eh, and turn on the telly," Liam called over his shoulder. He could hear his brother make his way dizzily into the living room and fumble for the remote.

Paul plonked himself onto the couch, and began surfing the channels, pausing at a news report,

"…there is still no word on why the eclectic owner of the chocolate factory has kidnapped Underworld factory boss Carla Gordon, wife of diamond mogul Tony Gordon," the blonde anchorwoman stated rather snidely,

"Hey turn that up," Liam stated as he rose from his seat and made his way to the living room, pressing his palms against the back of the sofa and eyeing the television curiously,

"…but one has to wonder if _maybe_ she got on the wrong side of one of his factory worker's wives by flirting with their husband…" the anchorwoman stated bitterly, pursing her lips together and tapping the papers in her hand off the desk in front of her.

"…Oh my God Leanne would you drop it already? Nothing happened between me and Carla!" a voice shouted from off camera

"Oh piss off Peter!" Leanne shouted in his direction before turning back and smiling awkwardly at the camera "Anywho," she sang in a sing song voice, her eyebrows raising up, "needless to say the video released from within the locked-up-tighter-than-Fort-Knox-chocolate-factory has been confusing to say the least. We warn that the video we are about to show, may be disturbing."

Paul and Liam both exchanged a worried expression before turning back to the screen…

_A raven-haired woman stood defiantly with her back to the camera in the middle of what appeared to be a lush green meadow with a rushing, brown river in the background._

"Is that chocolate?" Paul asked, leaning forward slightly, his mouth salivating at the image

"Imagine swimmin' in that!" Liam whispered licking his lips

"_Woman I said 'action'" a voice boomed from off camera, "and when I say 'action', I mean 'LET'S DO THIS'!"_

"Oh g_et stuffed Wonka," the woman sneered, still not facing the camera, but she let out a squeal as she was suddenly turned around rapidly._

The Connor brothers both gasped at the gorgeous woman who appeared on their screen, literally lighting up the flat.

_She snarled at something down by her feet,_

"_You put your 'ands on me again you little orange shrimp and I'll turn you into a pair of stilettos!" she threatened through gritted teeth. There was a cough off camera and her eyes followed whatever she had yelled at as it obviously scampered away._

"Wow!" Liam breathed, "I think my 'eart just skipped about ten beats mate. THAT is the most gorgeous woman I 'ave ever laid my eyes on."

"Tell me about it," Paul breathed, "bet this will stop you complaining about us buying the 40% shares into her factory now eh?"

"Yeah, my lips are sealed from now on…" Liam trailed off, his eyes unblinking from the image of the dark haired green-eyed beauty on his screen.

"_if gal get an attitude o I ain't gonna say it again. Now drop them beats like it hot!" the voice ordered from behind the camera._

_"I'm not going to sing you stupid jingle, you pimped out choco-freak!" she snapped, crossing her arms across her chest_

"_I won't ask ya again bitch, sin' da song or sheeeet's gonna happen up in heea - aww yea foo__!" the camera jolted slightly before a number of empty chocolate bar wrappers flew into view; falling softly down in front of the woman, who simply rolled her eyes and sighed. Pursing her lips she exhaled deeply before singing,_

"_**What you gon' do with all those beans?**_

_**All those beans inside your jeans?**_

_**I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk**_

_**Get you love drunk off my YUMMp" **she held up the candy bar entitled YUMMp _

"_**My YUMMp my YUMMp, my delicious little YUMMp…"**__ She let out a growl and threw her head back "ARGHHH WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?" she yelled, throwing down the candy bar _

"_BITCH I'S GONNA MAKE IT RAIN UP IN HURR!" the voice behind the camera boomed before the image jolted, and all went black._

"What the 'ell was that?" Liam stated incredulously.

"Shhh" Paul stated as the image shifted back to an image of the anchorwoman making out hungrily with who they assumed was her husband Peter. The man looked into the camera and quickly bolted out of sight while Leanne fixed her jacket and ran her fingers through her hair,

"Right, well, authorities are currently looking for ways to contact the reclusive chocolate factory owner Willy Wonka; but as the factory is sealed up tighter than a drum, it is looking far worse that Mrs. Gordon will be reached safe and unharmed." Leanne swallowed hard, trying to steady her breathing, "her husband Tony Gordon was contacted in the Congo and provided this comment:"

The image changed to one of a good looking man with dark brown hair and brown eyes who was looking quite terrified at the camera,

"Uhhhhhh…." Was all he uttered before the image changed back to the anchorwoman

"Investigation is ongoing. Back to you Nick." Leanne stated rather dreamily before Paul muted the television.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Liam asked with a smirk

Paul jumped up, full of pent up excited glee, "The Connor Bros on another whirlwind adventure?"

"Rescue the princess from her tower?" Liam said smiling

"Maybe get some chocolate?" Paul asked clapping his hands happily

Liam rolled his eyes, "Yeah Paul, we'll make sure to stop in at the gift shop on our way out..." he smiled at his older sibling, "get your trainers on!"

Paul jumped and ran to the bedroom, humming a rendition of "On The Road Again," as he did so.

Liam looked to the ground, conjuring up the image of Carla Gordon in his mind once more,

'_Don't worry princess,'_ he thought _'we'll rescue you from the evil wizard.'_


End file.
